Personal · Story of my life

The Sunday Currently | 15

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I know I left my blog idle for quite some time,  but I’ve been wanting to write all the ideas, thoughts, and rants rummaging around my brain and heart. But I can’t, a lot of negative things have been happening with my life, lately. I’ve been thinking, to write all of them down here, but no.. I’m still in a juncture that “some things are better left unsaid” well in my case — write. But I don’t think I can keep them for too long, I think it’s time for me to let it all out because I’m not sure what will happen next if I continue keeping this to myself. Talk about how melancholic my life is at this very point.

This is not gonna a typical ‘Sunday Currently’ that I usually write. It’s been a rough night (months actually) for me. I thought it would be the usual rest day I normally enjoy, unruffled myself with all the stress from work, to forget bills — just for two days. Two days is all I’m asking — but no. I was wrong; very wrong.

 CURRENTLY 

Reading

Sad Girl by Lang Leav. Dagnabbit! This book is giving the f e e l s. I’m half way. Almost there.

Writing

This entry, and 2 new entries for my 30 day writing challenge. I really need to catch up with that. Teheee

Listening

Too Good at Goodbyes by Sam Smith

Thinking

of a lot of questions. What did I do wrong to deserve all of this sadness? Am I bad daughter? A bad sister? A bad friend? A bad person, in general? I’m not perfect (especially you), not even close.  I commit mistakes, but I don’t think you were given the right to  put me in a situation that would cause me to cry each and every night trying to figure things out. I’m not exaggerating. I can’t help but wonder, why? What did I do to deserve this? Please someone answer me. Maboang nako!

Smelling

the barbecue chips i’m munching right now.

Wishing

me and myself would survive this bs. I’m really tired dealing with all of these people who are bringing all the negative energies right into my life’s door step. Seriously, what the actual f—?

Hoping

that even if I’m in the shittiest part of my life, I’m still thankful with the things and some people I can count on. They are the few people I’m getting the courage and strength to survive. I can still be as positive as the quote I posted above. I hope I can still divert myself from thinking anything or anyone that would cause me to mourn because my eyes are really tired. In that way, I could still say that I’m strong enough; strong enough to laugh, when all I really want to do is to cry my heart out.

Wearing

an old cwts tshirt and a stripe board shorts

Loving

how that person throws his anger to me, to put the blame on me with everything that is going on with his (and his family’s) life, to show other people how ungrateful, churlish, ill-mannered  I am, and make me feel how less of a person I am. I am quite amazed how he expressed that much rage to me on a Sunday night when all I want to do is chill. Just for once. Is that too much to ask from you?

Wanting

Silence — from all the noise coming from the demons inside my little head

Needing

PEACE. I want to have the old life I had way back then. When I have all the assurance, attention, and genuine laugh, I could ever have.

Feeling

Desolate. I’m still in shock from what happened. Please keep up the good work and continue messing up my whole life, Mister. One favor though, when you get to hell please send my kisses to Satan, your attitude is not too far from his. I know you two would really have a good time.

I hope you guys are having a great Sunday!— even if I obviously didn’t have a good one.

Join The Sunday Currently link-up by siddathornton!

 

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