Sleepless and troubled nights. I’ve been feeling really heavy lately. I don’t feel going out nor talk to anyone.
Recently, I’ve been so pressured with a lot of things. I’m maybe overreacting because I know there are a lot of people fighting harder battles than me. But, who are you to blame? No one should invalidate anyone’s emotions, feelings or whatnot. So, take a seat!
I can’t help but to question myself, am I really worth it? To be part of someone else’s life? To make an impact to somebody maybe? Tbh, I’ve been feeling useless and worthless for the past few days. It’s disturbing. This is from a girl who wants nothing but to spread good vibes and positivity to everyone. Please, allow me to be a little dramatic here. I just really want to let this all out once and for all. My heart is so heavy!! I just don’t know where to rant my thoughts without getting any judgement. I’m really thankful I created this blog. My escape. My safe haven.
As I enter “adulthood” I’ve come to realize that in this life, it’s not gonna be sunshine and rainbows all the time. You will always have thunderstorms or even blizzard once in awhile. You just need to give it time and let it subside. Every time I go through my “thunderstorm” phase, reading inspirational quotes has really helped me. (Exhibit A: *photo above*. Tehee!). Thank you, Pinterest!! It is one way to get my shit back together. Hindi pwede pa-patay sa life, Cokie! Go!
Remember, when life comes at you like a bitch, you need to slap that bitch real hard! You are the strongest, self. Pause and breathe when needed. It’s never bad to take a little break from your chaotic mind. You’ve been through a lot, and you reached this far. Don’t let those demons eat you. Eat them, instead. Eat them with positivity!
THIS TIME NEXT YEAR, NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME. Yup, this is temporary.
Wow, seven f–ing months since my last entry. A lot had happened within the past few months; and by a lot I mean a looooot. I don’t even know where to start.
Maybe I should start with the bad, it’s better to have a happy ending. Everyone deserves that… Yes, even my entry 😉
November 2017. I was doomed. I thought it would be the end of me. The end of my happiness. The end of my life, in general. My relationship that time ended because of third party (Duh. As if its new nowadays). I’m not gonna go into details because it’s not worth your (and my) time. Basta, third party. Alam mo na ‘yon! The relationship lasted for almost 3 years. I think. I would say that it was beyond stressful kind of relationship. Not because it didn’t work out (I’m not bitter ha, excuse you!) but I realized that the relationship was causing me no good. You know, trust issues. It was too heavy to handle and its causing me a lot of stress. Bottom line, I’m beyond happy it ended. Let’s just leave it at that.
I later realized that I should thank Him for all those experiences. In a way, it taught me a lot of lessons for me to keep forever.
Just to take a little step back. I was transferred to a different account because our company encountered a problem which would require them to transfer some agents (us) to a different account to ensure that we still keep our job. Good thing, we did. Remember when I posted this? Yes, that’s it. If I can remember it correctly, I started my training September last year. I got the chance to meet new people. Who would’ve thought that someone in that same room will change how I see life, made me understand/feel what love truly is, and prove to me that I deserved so much more. Charot!
I kept everything that had happened about how my previous relationship ended. I did not post anything about it. I thought it was something not worth sharing and will never do good to me, or anyone that was involved in the situation. So, I chose to be silent.
I met a few new people during training. I can’t thank them enough for being there after what happened. They were all ears listening to my nonsense drama. (But someone stood out. Someone who really went the extra mile in comforting me and making sure I’m okay. More about him later on :p). They were a huge help during the process. Drinking session every after our shift was all it takes for me to let everything sink in and finally moved on. One time, this whole bunch decided to have a quick getaway. This was last November 19ish or 20ish 2017. We all know that sun, beach, good people, food, and alcohol will always be the best combo to loosen things up. You know, forget the pain and stress away just for two days. True that!
Here are some pictures we had during that FUUUUUN trip.
You found a heart shaped stone, and you showed it to me. I’m not sure if it means something back then, but this really made my heart jumped a little at that time. I don’t even know why 🙂
How can I forget how great that day went? That day that changed everything. And by the way, I got drunk. Really drunk. Oops.
I never knew this trip would change me and my life. Earlier, I mentioned about someone who stood out on the comforting stuff and all that. It’s time for you to meet him.
PS: Please excuse me, I will be (a little) cheesy here ;p
You were the only guy who took the time in sending me long messages to make me feel better during my healing process. You used to advise me how to move on and let it all go. And you always remind me that I need to eat.
You were sending me “Good morning, don’t forget to eat” and “Good night” texts, it sent me a signal that there IS something, but I ignored it. I considered it as a friend-comforting-his-friend-the-best-he-can-because-they-are-friends kind of text. BUT, the moment you bought that Pringles for me, I knew something was off (in a good way), but I never considered it since you were always that “guy friend” who every girl needs to have. I don’t want to ruin our good friendship just because of wrong assumptions.
When you confessed your feelings towards me, it felt euphoric. I never thought that an amazing person like you, likes me that much. I always get that giddy feeling going back to those words you said up to now
We both decided to make ourselves official the moment you brought me to Bacolod the first time. I knew that it was really official the moment you told your mom about me; about us. I was kinda bit hesitant about it, because everything happened so fast. But, I knew it from there that this aint no temporary love. 😌
December 2017: First trip together (w/ friends). You brought me to The Ruins, and I thought it was the greatest thing Bacolod could offer. But I was wrong, definitely wrong.
To be honest, I didn’t know why I let you in and how everything happened so fast; but I never regretted that decision in any way, not even a tiny bit. Even if I just recently got out of a failed relationship, you still pursue me and I’m thankful you didn’t give up. Also, I hope you don’t have any slight of regret for taking that step up to this day.
Everyone was surprised and happy at the same time after they found out that we are together. All of our friends were happy and supportive. I’m beyond ecstatic.
Last week of January: We went back to Bacolod. This time to officially meet your whole family. You also brought my cute little ass to this place called “Sipalay“. One of the best beach I’ve been to!
It was the best road trip in my entire life, yet. (I know there’s a lot more adventures for us!) We drove around 3-4 hours and talk about life, plans, and everything under the sun.
I might be so bad at showing it, but this moment brought me beyond cloud nine. I promise, this time no matter what happen.. I got you! ♡
Everyday, I always wonder how I got to be this lucky to find someone who is patient and understanding enough to deal with my weirdness, short tempered, and the lack of power to hear 80% to 90% of the things you or others say. Also, thank you for calling me beautiful, even when I haven’t taken a bath yet nor make up on.
Now, I will be forever a living proof of what they say: “Never settle for someone less than what you deserve.”
So, thank you for coming into my life, into the most unexpected time, but in the most perfect timing!
You are such a wonderful blessing I will never let go.
Yes to more adventure and let’s continue to find beautiful places to get lost.
As I promised, we will walk together to this long journey ahead of us. 🙂
My last post dated October 8, 2017. That’s exactly 7 months of being inactive. Looking back on my previous post, I know you’d say “Here’s this girl (again?!) making bitchy excuses for being so lazy in updating her blog”. I know; and I’m not gonna deny I’ve been so busy and lazy for the past few months. But hey, I never regretted being inactive that long (sorry, not sorry!!) because I just had the best time of my life!!! A lot has happened in that 7 months time. It was a more than the scariest roller coaster ride ever, I must say.
However, it’s true when they say “When you keep putting out good. It will come to you ten fold in unexpected ways.” Well, in my case it came greater than ten fold.
After a lot of stressful and antsy nights for the past few months.. I’m back!!! This time, I know this is the happiest version of myself, and I could not ask for more! ♥
Now, I’m ready to share with you guys (a summary, at least) of how those dramatic yet breathtaking months went. So brace yourselves on my next entry!! ♡ ♡ ♡
It’s not your weight you always weigh… sometimes, its your career path
I’ve been working for almost 2 years now, and by far this is the longest time I committed to a certain company. Previously, I can last for 6 mos or a year just because I don’t feel like working or I get bored. I’m really surprised that I actually got used to a thing that I really hated when I was still in school. I’m quite amazed though looking back, I never thought that I would really have that real maturity in me to work my ass out even on the laziest days of my life. Those days when you wake up and you just want to hit that snooze button and just get back where you left off in your dreams, but yeah you could just do that in your dreams. Haha! I guess when you finally have bills and responsibilities, you don’t have a choice but drag that booty to the office and start to work!
It’s true what they say “The only constant in this world is change“, a lot of rumors for the past few months have been going around the office that in the next few months the account/company will close and we all end up with NO job, and that is goddamn scary. Aside from the fact that I can’t pay my bills, but thinking of updating my resume, scanning companies I can apply, going through those nerve-wracking interviews, hardcore exams, getting those government requirements, and injections because of medical purposes is something I don’t want to do, ever again as much as possible. A lot of mixed and violent reactions, and people pressed their panic button like…
However, after a number of weeks/mos the rumor/s settled down itself. Although, this week has been one of the most relax one; which is odd. A lot of offline trainings and meetings that we always love but we rarely get before. We always love to go off the phones. We were wondering though, but enjoyed it anyway. I’ve been hearing a lot of scuttlebutt and versions about the issue and I was quite doomed, but more unprejudiced about the buzz until I can hear it from the director/managers. I was trying to digest all the speculations and just act neutral to it. A lot of people said that I shouldn’t worry about it because the company will surely keep me and value me as an employee. So, I was nonchalant about it.
… but yesterday the news was finally ratified and validated; I understand that during that one hour talk, there were things that they made it as positive as possible, which I understand. A lot of reactions murmuring the whole room during the discussion. Finally, all the issues were answered, but some were not given a direct answer due to the fact that they need to get the numbers first before giving out any information. At the end, we were given two options as to where we will go. It’s weird because it made me feel that nervous feeling that I forgot when was the last time I felt. And also, the fact that you need to make a decision for yourself. I’m really bad at decision-making. I suck at it big time! I weigh things out, checked the pros and cons, and I really contemplated what I really wanted. I came up with a decision that is practical, permanent, and something good for me. Myself really deserves a big pat on the back for doing it alone. That is rare!
Mixed emotions. I was doomed, because I won’t be doing the same thing I’ve been doing for almost two years now, but more relief that I still got a job to keep and still receive a monthly salary to keep me updated with my bills (Wow, bills really made me a responsible adult somehow hahaha).
Plus, I just unexpectedly learned something about me. For the past few days during the buzz, I’ve been hearing both negative and positive reactions about it, but deep inside me while listening to the people I talked, there are really certain points in our life that we do need to understand that there are (will always be) two sides to every story. You should not always wear blinders, and try to listen to both sides so that you can actually understand it as a whole. Don’t get me wrong, I understand everyone (even me) has an opinion to say, but it would actually make a lot more sense if you would hear both sides and not just your own standpoint. In that way, you could ponder things out much better before saying/reacting into something. Aside its good for you and for the people around you, you’re discreetly lessening the negative energies around us. P o s i t i v i t y !!!!! YAAAAS, PREACH GIRL!! PREEEEEACH!
I’ve been working on this blog for quite some time now, but I’m still in the process of learning consistency. I’m still coping up even with my other draftposts. So I decided to share the things I bought for my face right after I received those wonderful outfits and dresses yesterday from the mail. I’m still so happy about it!!! Here are some of the skin regimens I bought yesterday. Disclaimer: I’m not a skin/beauty expert.♥
1. Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water : I super love this product. I’ve been using this for a few months now. I love how it really cleanses your face regardless if you wash it with a cleanser or not. The best part of it though is, it shortens your nightly routine because it acts as a cleanser, toner and moisturizer in one. Although, I still use different products for my toner and moisturizer. It’s just around P150-200, and that’s a big saving for me! There are two types of Garnier’s Micellar Water, there is this pink one which is for normal to dry and sensitive skin; while the blue one is for oily skin. I haven’t tried the blue one, yet. However, when I checked online, it says it can “remove waterproof mascara”. I’m thinking its for girls who wears heavy products for their everyday look. But, I could be wrong. Heehee. ✌🏻
2. iWhite Nose Pack (Whiteheads & Blackheads Remover) : iWhite has been all around drugstores! They are very affordable and effective (based on the products I used), which is perfect for me. I’ve been aiming to have that glowing skin without spending too much. I tried their face cream before and it’s really nice to use as your everyday face cream. It’s not that bad, though. I’ve been seeing a lot of whiteheads on my face lately, so I’m trying this one.
3. Myra Vitasmooth Hydrating Facial Moisturizer : This is gon’ be my first time to try this. I tried some of Myra’s products and they are really effective (for me). I’m not sure with this product here. I’ve seen good reviews about it. It consist emollients and humectants that is perfect for moisturizing products. It’s just around P80-90ish, so it doesn’t hurt your wallet. I will let you know how this one turns out. : )
4. Maxi-Peel Sun Protection Cream : I lost the picture I took for this product so I grabbed one from google. I bought a sachet version of it because it’s also my first time trying this. I’m gonna check first if it would work for my skin. Aside from that, I also don’t need sun cream that much since I work night shifts. So again, I will let you guys if I recommend this or not.
5. Ponds BB Cream : I’ve been looking for the perfect face cream for my skin tone. I tried two brands of face cream which is Skin White and iWhite. It didn’t do that ‘good’ for me. I tried Maybelline All-in-One BB Cream, it was nice though but it feels so heavy on my face. I want to use lighter BB Cream products on a daily basis. I decided to try this one from Ponds. So far I’m loving it. It’s very affordable that it wont hurt you if you would use it everyday; and you can just put a little amount of the product on your face and its still gon’ give you that glow.
6. Xtracare Oatmeal Daily Moisturizing Lotion, Aveeno Daily Moisturizing Body Yogurt, and Jergens Wet Skin Moisturizer : I got this from the package. I previously had a bad experience with Jergens, but I’m trying their skin moisturizer, hope it would turn out better. However, I’m excited to try the Xtracare and Aveeno Moisturizing Body creams or lotion, whatever you call them; because oats are perfect for your skin. You can actually use pure oats that would help your skin remove dryness, moisturize it, lightening and skin protection. Fact: “Oat baths were largely used by the ancient Greeks and Romans for healing skin ailments” — so it’s proven and tested.
“Invest in your skin. It is going to represent you for a very long time – Linden Tyler.”
After few years, please pop the confetti as I post my first OOTD entry. I’ve been wanting to post it here, and finally…. I’m making the dream come (not) true!!!
I had the best weekend (day-off) for a long time! If you’ve read the last The Sunday Currently I posted, you would know that I took my cutie lazy ass to one of the trending place in town which is The Thray. I realized that I should go out more often, I should stop prioritizing sleep over much more important things… but sleep is love. *sad*
I decided to wear a knee length gray dress paired with a denim jacket, white shoes, with a chain bag. I was actually in the mood in dressing up that time. I swear, that dress would really look great if someone who has long legs would wear it. So pardon, for not giving justice to the outfit. Lol.
This is a “Come here, and take a photo of me. I ain’t scared of flashes” photo. It turn out peculiar and ugly. A face that could scare a million crows. Dagnabbit! Why do I have to be this ugly. Lol! However, I really don’t give a f*ck because a little fashion never hurt anyone, nor yourself. So continue dressing up, and making yourself happy because you deserve it!
After all, making yourself happy is the least you can do to yourself. Cheers for the happy weekend! ♥
Write something someone told you about yourself that you never forgot…
“You’re one of a kind. You’re the most genuine, crazy, friendly and humble person I knew. You’re all in one. You have that contagious laugh, making the silliest joke the funniest one. I’m not wondering you got tons of friends!”
I’ve been thinking all day and night what to write, and I remembered this one birthday greeting from one my friends that hit me right into the bones. This is actually one of the most memorable and sweetest message I got on my birthday. Sometimes I’m thankful that birthdays are created because you get the chance to receive those sweet messages (aside from gifts tho hahaha) from your precious gems!
As I grow older, I never thought that someone sees me as a wonderful person like her. I’m just a typical crazy girl, duh. I’m actually open to bullies (bc I bully most of the people I’m close with) I rarely received compliments which I’m [kinda bit] thankful though, because I don’t know how to treat them, I might just give you a wacky face, call you crazy, or pretend that I didn’t hear anything.
Way back, I was never the sociable one. I suck at making friends, and getting out of my comfort zone feels like it could kill me once I step out of it. That lead me to be a girl who doesn’t have enough confidence (up to now) that I can actually do something. I’m always doubtful with myself when I do something on my own, it’s either it would fail or, it would fail. There’s no space in between. It’s a lose-lose situation. I tried learning to trust (and love) myself, but it’s something that it’s so hard for me to do. I always see the bad side of me, and it’s something I can’t stop. Even a gazillion motivational quotes, or a sea of alcohol can’t remove this bad habit that I have, and I think I just have to live with it.
I always see myself as no one, and it’s heartening receiving those types of messages knowing that someone remembered something about you, and to them you’re somebody, not just anybody — but I have to cut this off, because me and my emotional tendencies are kicking in.
Until such time that I learned (little by little) to divert the negativity. There are rare times that I push myself harder to do something, and little by little I think I can let it out and for once do something good.
TOPS –It’s the easiest way to dodge off the noise, traffic, and pollution from the city. If you want to chill on an affordable budget, then this is where we Cebuanos go! You should also bring your cute little ass here.
So, on a spontaneous afternoon I decided to go for a quick ride on TOPS. They were a lot of people when I got there, but no matter how old this place gets it’s one of the best escape! Tranquility at its finest.
ps: This was last Sunday {07/18/2017} it’s actually a late post. Sorry! ;p
Recently, I encountered this what they call 30-day Writing Challenge on Pinterest and Tumblr. And I thought it’s a good idea to update my blog from time to time instead of my usual The Sunday Currently entry. I was thinking I should blog something about me, so that you can get to know me more and hopefully I could do the same towards you. 🙂
I just list all the random things I can think of, I tried to be deep about it; so deep that I can inspire anyone after reading my entry but I just ended up with these 10 random things. Sorry! ; )
Day 1: 10 Things That Make You Really Happy, hence the title. Duh.
1. Food
I love eating. *Who doesn’t? Are you even a human?* I was supposed to include all my favorite foods on the countdown, but I realized 10 won’t suffice, if I would do that this list would end up 10 Foods That Make Me Happy. ;p I can eat anything, From burgers, fries, spicy/buffalo chicken wings, pasta (specifically pesto pasta), Korean noodles, sea foods, potato chips, chocolates, popcorn and all types of street foods, the list will go on and on and on and on. ps: I don’t have a specific favorite because I can eat all of them, all at once! No questions asked.
2. Discovery
Nothing beats the feeling when you discover new things such as a new place to dine, new music, new beach/hotel to stay, thrift store with great deals, or even discovering dimes/bills on your old wallet. It’s a great feeling, isn’t it?
3. Gloomy weather
It’s always the perfect weather to chill and sip some hot coffee! Yummers!
4. Coffee/Milk Tea
I can’t live a day without drinking a cup of coffee, either the usual or fraps. It keeps me alive, like literally. And also milk tea, it beats the heat of the weather, and I love chewing those pearls. Yum yum!
5. Fashion
New clothes, bags, watches (i prefer gold), shoes, or makeup can make me happy. Although, I really don’t wear/buy those most of the time (bc I have sisters who are so generous hahaha) but I love checking them up online or hacks on YouTube. I mean, I still have a girly side you know. 😉
6. Bare naked faces
Simplicity is always (and will always be) be the best, especially to faces. I hate how my face is so dry and dull, and I really have to put some makeup on to put a little color on my face. I envy those girls who don;t even need a foundation or concealer to hide dark spots on their face. It always makes me happy like right after washing my face I can see that glowing skin, and for a minute I can achieve a beautiful bare naked face. Pfft.
7. Random trips
I always enjoy an unexpected getaway, not specifically going to the beach though, but going to some places where I can chill and just enjoy the silence of the world or even random food trips! It’s the beZzZZt!
8. Clouds
I don’t know what’s with the cloud lately, but I love watching those formations and cool colors ❤
9. Thrift shops
Who doesn’t love thrift shop!? They always have the coolest and cheapest clothes! And I love how it tests your patience, and really take the time to look for the perfect outfit….. and nothing beats the triumphant feeling when you get the best of ze bezt! ; ) I also love to drop by to either Peso store or Daiso. They also have great finds there!
10. Laughter
I love the sound of anyone’s laugh. I mean it always brings positive and good vibes. You know, no matter how cliché it may sound, but laughter is REALLY the best medicine after all.
Here’s to the clothes I would forever admire, but can’t wear, and to the fashion photos I can never achieve. I always just end up pinning all of ’em on Pinterest. And a little inspiration is really not a bad thing at all, just to help me survive two more days of this long week I have. Whew!
And there I am, looking and feeling like Buttercup, absorbing all the bitterness in the world for not having long legs that could go on for days! Although, there are some times I use high waist pants for work, but totally looking like a dumpy lass.
The weekend is almost over, I’m gonna take a long rest bc this has been a long, tough, exhausting and an excruciating week for me. Phew, I’m wondering why I’m still alive. Ha ha ha!
I want to commend my body for being so cooperative and still coping up with me. Hold on there, buddy. We’re almost done. : )
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